Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
