I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
