dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
