i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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