Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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