...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
