I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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