Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
