I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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