He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
