He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
