May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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