I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
