what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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