i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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