I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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