I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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