Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
