He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
