This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
