You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
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