In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
