batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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