he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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