Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
