I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
