sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my liver is dry heaving
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
