She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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