I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
