my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
