Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
