Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
