I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
