I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
