Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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