You're my little dorito
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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