I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
