I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
