this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize