please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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