i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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