Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
