dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
