Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
