The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
