8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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