i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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