i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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