i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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