Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
