the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
