I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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