i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
