also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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