Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
