We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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