He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That accounts for only three of the penises
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
