She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
