I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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