i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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