So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
