you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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