y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
