drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
